I own one pair of work slacks. I wear them on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays (jeans on Casual Fridays). I've been wearing this one pair of work slacks since 2003, and they've emulated my work ethic ever since. Proud, almost attractive when the job was new and fresh. But with each passing day, the garment deteriorated and I wonder how I could have chosen something so ugly and unflattering.

It doesn't help that I wore two different socks to work either. I can see how I might have made the mistake during the folding process (drinky drinky), but how could I have been so color-blind when I got dressed the next morning? The only thing the socks have in common is that they're droopy as hell. I can't blame them though, because if I had to be trapped in an office for nine hours, I'd be droopy too.

Oh, right.

So here we are again. I don't even know what day it is other than Workday, but I do know that my undershirts should soon be starting middle school, and it's time that my slacks found us a new job.