At noon o'clock, the five million residents of Atlanta and I collectively had the same idea. Let's all go to the post office during our lunch break and stare at the backs of each other's heads!

It was like being in a pedestrian traffic jam and what laid ahead was a bad accident with Common Sense and Manners mangled at the wheel. Customers cut in line to ask postal workers "a quick question," but then never left their newly acquired position. Meanwhile other people decided that the best time to pack, tape, and address six large cardboard boxes was the moment they got to the counter.

The guy standing behind me believed that scooting the boxes on the floor half-an-inch with his foot gave the illusion that the line was moving faster. We scowled at his pathetic attempt and then we all went back to reading upside-down package destinations and flipping everyone a bird in our jean pockets.

Instead of buying Christmas gifts in the future, I'm just going to announce to loved ones that I stood in line at the post office during the holiday season on their behalf, like it's community service. Happy birthday, Jesus.