As I walk to work, I'll think Why am I walking to work? Yet I'm walking there. It's like I have no control over what I want. I'll think End the job now! Never show up! But then my legs will respond, “Eh. What else are you gonna do?”

My inability to listen to common sense has earned me a promotion and a raise. A bigwig whose company I don't work for said, "Jay is better than any of the employees at my company. I want him in charge of all joint venture finances.” So now I am in charge of all joint venture finances. The official job description is for me to spend even less time thinking about personal creative projects.

I mean, hey, I'll take the money, but other than being able to throw hammers at the faces of people who piss me off, I don't like that I'm on top. I want the job where I can't be held responsible for why things don't go right. Like the new guy in my office who claimed that he couldn't access the internet for three months, and then it was discovered that he “unknowingly” made a 404 Error Page his home page.

Here's a big surprise. None of my coworkers have received a raise during the one-year period that I've worked at this job. Only me. And twice. It's not that I'm extra good at my job. I'm just doing my job. I show up on time and my legs try their hardest to leave on time so I can get home and effectively document the notable story of the day. Like when Stripper Assistant figured out that if you "copy" underlined text in MS Word, then the "paste" will also be underlined. Every day is a new adventure for us.