A coworker came into my office to congratulate me with a non-ironic high five. I put my sandwich down, looked at his hand for a split second like alllllllriiiiiiight and went through with it. Afterwards he wrinkled his nose and said, “It stinks like Fritos in here.” Then he left offended and threatened not to visit anymore.

Mission accomplished. Future lunches will consist entirely of tortilla chips and even more farting. Now and forever, Amen.