I've refrained from talking about my new job because I fear a listener wouldn't believe me, what with my hyperboles, adorable imagination of a gifted third-grader, and flat-out lies. The company that I work for is a minority firm and, well, during my first day of employment the marketing director visited my office to ask if I would like a slice of watermelon.

So! In an effort to not perpetuate stereotypes (and risk being labeled as insensitive to race), I opted to put work stories on the back burner. That was, until a second coworker showed up at my door to blow out the pilot light.

"That watermelon looks refreshing!" he stated.

"Oh, it is!" the marketing director said. "Would you like a slice?"

"Certainly. I was just coming to see if either of you wanted me to pick you up some wings for lunch." Then a third coworker passed by singing (I shit you not) Amazing Grace.

"Thanks," I told both of them, "but I brought my lunch." A sandwich on white bread with crackers.