Dear Greg, Jason, Michael & Rene, (alphabetically speaking)

I hate to break this to you, but I'm getting married. You should celebrate the remaining days of bachelorhood/bachelordom by coming to my house on Saturday, March 25th at 8:00pm. Patti will be having her own private function that weekend in New York City. She said I couldn't come along because I failed to get the underside of her socks “white enough.” Well screw that! I'm going to invite guys with penises to be around one another.

Expect any or all of the following events:

* Gambling! Booze!
* Booze! Gambling!
* Defacing city property with “art” (Spray paint and fake mustaches provided)
* Cigars! Cigars! Cigars!
* Fantasy Football League Draft Picks (I get Warren Vick because it's my Bachelor Party)
* Christmas Carols
* Strip Risk! (First one naked MUST perform body shots)
* Open Discussion of the Terry Schiavo case

Let me know if you have any conflicts, because the time and date are somewhat flexible. My totally awesome phone number is 404.522.3087. That's 40.I.LACE.0.UP. Stupid zeros are really limiting.

Signed,
Bachelor Jay (Carlson)

P.S. Seriously, don't tell Patti that I'll be leaving the house. I'm supposed to be spit-shining the attic rafters for her all weekend.