Operation: Make People Jealous Our housewarming party was a huge success. Patti got really wasted. Me too. That's what happens when you don't have to drive home because you are home.

The only downfall to the event was some dummy stepped on Daisy's tail and failed to tell us. We woke up the next day to Daisy whimpering. Her tail hung low and crooked and she couldn't sit. The vet said if her tail was broken, he'd have to amputate it. Luckily, the x-rays showed no broken bones (praise the Lord) because I was prepared to find the person responsible and shatter his/her tailbone with my fist. Instead, I'll just have to thank the person for the $213 housewarming vet bill.

Other gifts received at the party:
* Sawed-off coconut turned drinking cup
* Fruit jelly candies
* Wine (Go team white!)
* Wood cutting board
* Gift cards to fine establishments (Go team gentleman's club!)

What's really odd is that no one in my family has given us a housewarming present. I mean, I understand they aren't required, but like, aren't they required? I never should have shown them my tattoo that says, “content and self-sufficient.”