I thought the rich jock of the 1980's only existed in the movies. As it turns out, there's a forty-year-old William Zabka who belongs to my gym. The proof is in the gold toe socks with garter support.

His creepy friend asked, “Did you see the new greeter? She looks like Britney Spears.”

Pretty boy stopped buttoning his blue shirt with the white collar and said, “Her name is Courtney… and she drives a Mercedes!” I shit you not, the two men then actually slapped hands, officially clenching the title of World's Most Asinine Conversationalists.

First of all, the new greeter does not look like Britney Spears. Maybe if Britney stuck Scotch tape all over her face. Second, the greeter is paid to smile and is therefore not flirting, especially with a dude that looks like Larry from Three's Company. And third, slapping hands is a disgusting and awkward way to show bravado. Now please enjoy these progress photos of my bare chest.