The Onion made a joke about a lame celebrity and I told Patti, “It's about time he got his curmuppens.”

This was proceeded by hilarious laughter on Patti's part, who then asked, “Do you mean comeuppance?” I suppose I did, but I was confusing it with the word curmudgeon , which also makes no sense.

She added, “That's better than your brass tax.” Yes, hardy har. I know now that it's brass tacks, referring to the old-timey tacks that hold chair seats in place. But doesn't it also make sense that there might have been a tariff on brass during those old-timey days?

I'm not alone when it comes to misinterpretation. Jason thinks the phrase making ends meet is making end's meat because, you know… you're poor; you need meat. “How am I gonna scrape up enough money to get that meat?” you ask yourself. Obviously, by making ends.