Patti and I are boycotting the cold weather by refusing to turn on the heat in our apartment. We may be warming our feet on the dog's belly, but we're sending Mother Nature a very strong message. "We're trying to save money, bitch." Don't atmospheric conditions know how much it costs to buy a house?

The only exception to this “no spend” rule is Sunday (a/k/a Especially Special Specialness Event 2005) when Patti Punkin Sunshine Princess and I celebrate our two year anniversary of premeditated love and affection. We'll dine at our favorite tapas restaurant. Drinks will be served. Butts will be pinched.

Speaking of which, I'm told that if I buy dinner, Patti will supply dessert. It's a lovely gesture, but unfortunately she should really save her money.