MySpace Ad: The Girls of True
by Sir & Lady Awesome
July 29, 2006

I don't go to MySpace for the friends. I go for True's incessant T-n-Advertisements. Unfortunately for True, I'm married, but I applaud their shameless ad strategy of you have genitalia and this hot girl most-definitely, might-possibly want it maybe-perhaps. Also unfortunate for True, I'm currently sober and bored, so therefore I have a few teensy comments:

Did the photographer's roll of film only have one shot on it? I don't know how else to explain why this particular pose was chosen. It looks like the model was walking down the street and she overheard something that almost sounded like her name.

"I love Christmas caroling." [Carolyn looks]

But seriously, this girl isn't going to take shit from anyone, and I like that. She's going to accept the effects of gravity gracefully, so let's take the high road and keep the talk about her future saggy boobs to a minimum.

Boots are pointy! Wanna know how I know? Because I'm touching my boot and it feels pointy! You should get in on the pointy action!

The color of this woman's face does not match her body. It's like she's 90% Puerto Rican, 10% Minnesotan. But that's beside the point because her boy shorts are 100% adorable. If I click on the ad, can I find out where she bought those and how often her penis falls out?

Let's face it: guys with glasses are losers. Did the guy who invented the condom wear glasses? No. So I don't blame this lady with Downs Syndrome one bit for moving on with her life.

It's kind of a shame, though. These two seem perfect for each other. Does she really think that she'll be able to find another boyfriend with an incredibly large head for his body? Come on, girl. Biology is destiny!

Bachelorette #2, if I was a can of Aqua Net, what would you do with me?

Stay cool this summer with a swim bikini made from durable Nylon/Lycra® spandex. Perfect for lounging by the pool or when you want to look ironically unsexy. JC Penney. It's all inside.

You can't tell from the small image, but I swear this model has belly button lint and is wearing a clear retainer. In fact, she's kind of awkward in general. Maybe her image appeals to the pre-teen demographic, who are so desperate to find their mate for life. -- When I was thirteen I got to second base in a movie theater that was showing Back To The Future II. So in conclusion, yes, pre-teens have the world all figured out.

Naughty or nice? I choose rooster.

I wasn't at the photo shoot, but I'm fairly certain the photographer didn't tell the model that her motivation was poultry.

Make some fireworks where? In her crotch? Don't get me wrong; she seems like a very lovely lady if you had to sit next to her on an airplane, but this girl looks very uncomfortable. I've seen people tug at their clothes like that before on the subway, and they were definitely high.

Also, I am pretty sure the area around her midsection has been digitally altered because you can't even see one rib! Now let's get this floozy another fix.

Finally an ad without a model.

Apparently the Sexploration Test doesn't tell you that the inner parts of your wrists look hairy.

I like that the building coming out of his left (your right) shoulder kind of looks like a dildo as if to say, "Look, you may not be able to tell if I am into chicks or dudes, but either way, I'm comfortable with the dildos, capice?"