Commercial: Return of the Pipe People
June 12, 2006

Last year's Pipe People commercial made bladder control the "it" thing to do. Everyone from adolescents to prisoners to the eldery were high-fiving each other over their ability to hold it in. So now VESIcare is back to squeeze every last drop out of their successful Pipe People, but with a twist... and a shake.

The sequel opens with a stretch of road made out of that barbaric material, concrete. Our hero, Pipey, drives through the beautiful countryside by himself. In the first commercial, we learned Pipey likes jazz music, and really, what's not to like about jazz when your ears don't exist? In this new chapter, we learn via the book sitting in Pipey's passenger seat that he has an affinity for birds.

Right, so he can potentially urinate on them!

I thought so, too, but that's where this sequel breaks the mold. Unlike the original commercial, we're not shown Pipey's malfunctioning spigot-genitalia. Instead, his valve-nose spins and his facial expression looks like he's, well, pissed. Seriously, he's seeing yellow, and here's the pissy part. The man... machine... airport security threat has loved birds since he was a magnetic shaving in his mother's eye. So how does he correct this problem? Answer: He invites his metallic friends from the first commercial to join him in his outdoor adventure.

Much like its predecessor, the message of this follow-up commercial is unclear. If VESIcare wants me to drink my own urine as a medical remedy, fine. But I am NOT going to join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

And thus the commercial concludes with the four pipe beings spying on a bird (also made of pipes) recreationally, homo-pipe-ually. To be honest, VESIcare's sequel raised more questions than it answered. Trying to understand the rules of the Pipe People's universe is next to impossible:

* Humans – made of pipes
* Cars – although already metal, not made of pipes
* Birds – pipes
* Trees – not made of pipes
* Binoculars & Cameras – yes, pipes
* Pipes – simultaneously organic and inanimate (trick question)

When their Pipe God created this Pipe Heaven and Pipe Earth, he was clearly drunk.